Zenslaw

Rambles that require no response are the best ones to respond to...

I remember the day that star woke up... I would never want to have to give that moment back...

There's always going to be endings really...

And no one you find will ever be 'enough'...

I know part of the problem is that when we don't have what we need we look outside ourselves to fill the empty places...

But that's not what causes the screaming void...

And it's not what's going to fix it...

It does get better... I promise... If you keep working at it it does get better...

Except when it doesn't...

And when that happens the best you can do is sit on the floor and wait for it to pass...

And not feel guilty about it...

And not try to pull something else in to fill the void...

Because then you're fooled into thinking you've fixed a problem that really isn't sure it wants to be fixed...

Who wants to give up the stars...

All you want sometimes is to make the dark a little quieter...

"There's no such thing as happily ever after..."

said the angel to the little girl...

"There is only happily."

"And the color of the circles you dance around it as you run in search of something that doesn't exist."

"It follows behind you tirelessly..."

"Waiting for you to remember it's there."

Tiny cuts and bleeding colors...

Have you ever found that certain songs, shades of light or even colors...

Remind you of someone you still miss...

Even though in hindsight you know...

That it isn't what you wanted... or needed...

That it couldn't have ended any other way... really...

Me either...

Happy Birthday Babe!!

Twenty years ago this minute you graced the world with your shining presence and life has been gloriously richer ever since!!!

I LOVE you!!!

The greatest gift you can give your child

photo: Charlie Cortez

Is to believe in yourself...

Not be absorbed in yourself...

Or think only of yourself...

Or sacrifice yourself...

But to be confident as a mom (even when you don't feel it), and to try your best to stay centered in the fact that you are truly trying to do what's best for your child and getting better all the time...

Just as every child is different, so is every mom...  And the one thing I always focused on was the desire to be the best mom I could be... for MY child, not someone else's...

Part of that means becoming the best person you can be, for yourself...

And learning to balance the two...

Every child deserves a mom that's fabulous... 

So be fabulous!

(note - This post was written mother's day morning but just as I was about to preview and post my door opened and my family burst in and I completely forgot about it for the rest of the day.  And isn't that how it should be?)

Even when you miss your mark...

Prima Ballerina, originally uploaded by karenturner.

You can still have glorious lines!

Do you ever feel like you are running out of time??

Not on a day to day basis...

But in total...  Like you're about to run out of life and you didn't really accomplish anything...

Well... spectacular?

Of course I know that I have have purposely chosen to limit the shooting star/fiery crash & burn factor in exchange for having time to actually enjoy living and breathing and loving and being present for my children...

But I still want to create... I still want things to spring to life from my hands...

And spin off with a life of their own...

And ok to come back from time to time...

I still love shiny things...

And I still owe someone a story about a girl in a well...

It's May it's May!!

It's May it's May!!, originally uploaded by karenturner.

Happy May everyone!!

May is my favorite month, and lilacs are my favorite flower. How lucky for me they both arrive at the same time!

My goal for this month is to be as aware and present as I can possibly be, and to enjoy every minute...

If anyone needs me I'll be in the yard...

It's time to save China Mulan...

It's time to save China Mulan..., originally uploaded by karenturner.

I would've taken the job... You know in the palace with the Emperor... But then... that wouldn't have been a Disney ending would it?

(How did the REAL story end??)

Anyway, the shape of this flower reminded me of the one from the movie...

'The flower that blooms last is the most beautiful of all...' Great news for all of us late bloomers...

I think though that you bloom whenever you are ready to bloom... and you can make a difference no matter how late you start...

It's here it's really here!!

It's hard to believe that in one week we went from this

To this

and this

and this

Even these guys are back!

Is it any wonder I can hardly sit still???